🌀 The Headache, The Doubt, and the Truth About Pressure (BigSwim: 2km)

Yesterday I swam 80 lengths - 2km.

Sounds like a win, right? But truthfully, it came with a wave of emotions I wasn’t prepared for.

I went to the pool later than usual due to appointments. I didn’t think they were emotional... but my body clearly disagreed. After I got out of the pool, I had a full-on neck and head ache. My brain hurt just thinking. Every time the kids made a noise or the sound around me got too much, my head throbbed. I had to stop. Literally give myself permission to stop thinking. Just be in the moment. Breathe.

But leading up to that swim?

My thoughts were in overdrive:

“How the hell am I going to swim 20km?”

“I accidentally set the bar too high.”

“Should I just quit?”

“What about the people watching my journey? What about my sponsor? What about the money already raised for Coastguard?”

Truth is, I thought I was already swimming 6km when I signed up. Turns out… I was doing 3km. The 6km swimmer was the lady I admire and share a lane with - the one who inspired this journey in the first place.

And then the thoughts kept piling on:

“I’ll need to swim during the weekends.”

“That’s ‘Mum Time’ is it selfish to take that time?”

“I don’t swim during my period" That cuts out days.”

“I need to finish this 20km before then.”

Pressure. Doubt. Guilt. Perfectionism.

All swirling in my head.

Then, boom - headache city.

It’s no surprise really. The weight of self-pressure, overthinking, and feeling like I had something to prove caught up with me. I even found out I’ve been doing my tumble turns wrong… cue another inner spiral.

But here’s the raw truth:

I am learning. I am showing up. I am allowed to feel it all and keep going.

This swim may have left me drained, but it also gave me clarity:

💭 I’m not doing this to prove something. I’m doing this to grow into someone.

That’s worth the aches. That’s worth continuing for 🥰

If you'd like to sponsor my swim and support the amazing work Coastguard does bringing people safely home from the water, you can donate here:

👉 https://bigswim.org.nz/a-young

Every bit helps. Thank you for being part of this journey.