Starting Shadow Work: A Gentle Guide

This morning a friend reached out and asked me a big, brave question:

"Hey, I'm about to do something really scary and way out of my comfort zone ... I'm going to do shadow work. Can you give me any starting points?

I was so moved by their honesty and courage. And I realized — this is something many of us face, whether we say it out loud or not. We all have shadows.

So what is shadow work?

In simple terms, it’s the process of looking at the parts of ourselves we usually hide, judge, or ignore — the anger, jealousy, fear, shame, grief, resentment. It’s the mirror that shows us what we’d rather not see, but also where our deepest healing and growth live. Our shadows aren’t bad; they’re simply unacknowledged. And often, they’re carrying gifts and wisdom waiting to be reclaimed.

If you’re feeling called to begin this journey — here are 5 gentle starting points I shared with my friend:

1. A Gentle Guide

Start with something that brings rhythm and structure. I recommend Lunar Living by Kirsty Gallagher — a beautiful book that uses the cycles of the moon to help you notice your patterns of thinking, doing, and being. It gives you a gentle container so shadow work doesn’t feel overwhelming.

2. Radical Ownership (With Compassion)

Shadow work isn’t about owning other people's behavior (such as our children's) — only your own. The way you’ve responded in the past has served you somehow. Ask yourself: What purpose did this serve? Do I want to keep it this way? Remember, you always have a choice. And by choosing differently, you’re teaching your children there are other ways too.

3. Loving Your Shadows

The tough part isn’t seeing your shadow — it’s learning to love it. Shadows hold hidden gifts. Often, we dislike parts of ourselves that reflect our parents or upbringing, but those parts are also human, tender, and filled with lessons. When you allow anger, resentment, or grief to rise and flow, you release their power and uncover their message.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

This work brings up layers of shame, guilt, and grief — so kindness is essential. Try:

• Journaling with curiosity, not judgment.

• Moving your body (breathwork, shaking, walking) when anger rises.

• Using affirmations like: “All parts of me are worthy of love.”

5. Remember the Bigger Picture

Shadow work is never just about you. Every time you pause instead of reacting, you shift something for your family and even future generations. By healing your shadows, you’re breaking patterns and teaching your children that it’s safe to feel, safe to choose, and safe to grow.

I’m deeply proud of my friend for stepping into this work, and proud of anyone who chooses to look within. Shadow work isn’t about fixing yourself — it’s about remembering that every part of you is worthy of love, even the parts you’d rather keep hidden.

This journey has many layers, but each step you take is an act of healing, for yourself and everyone who walks beside you. ❤️

Looking for More Support?

If you’d like a little more guidance on your healing and shadow work journey, I’ve created a PDF book called Everything is Already Within You.

It goes deeper into the themes we touched on here and offers:

• Gentle guidance and insights to help you understand yourself more fully.

• Practical energetic tools in each chapter to support your healing — from journal prompts and affirmations to simple practices you can use daily.

• Encouragement to shift old patterns with compassion rather than judgment.

• A framework for self-discovery so you can create more clarity, calm, and choice in your life.

Think of it as a companion on your journey — something you can return to whenever you need a little extra light as you explore your shadows.

You can grab your copy here → Everything is Already Within You